I almost want a scandal here at the club. I said Almost.

I understand the media’s attention to football, and their attention towards scandals. It gets them away from talking about the most important topics of the day. And why would we want to talk about the government or Iraq, that would just be too good. We need to talk about who’s cheating on who. But do we need to spend everyday talking about Ashley Cole or John Terry? Seriously?

Like you lot, I don’t care about what happens at Chelsea. They could turn into Leeds, and that would be fine with me. Just like today, against Mancrapity City John Terry didn’t shake hands with Wayne Bridge. Oh my God, stop the presses, the youth of the nation are going to be ruined.

Folks, we should be focusing on Liverpool. Yes we’re not leading the league, and yes the season hasn’t be great, but NOTHING STUPID HAS HAPPENED. Maybe that’s the reason why every commentator isn’t talking about us. So we probably have to come up with good scandals to make the world care.

Maybe David N’Gog hooks up with Cheryl Tweedy, and she changes her name to Cherryl N’Tweety.

Carra punches an Everton fan (yes I’ve read his biography, so I know he was a Toffie fan)

Pepe Reina sits out a week of training to get better keeper gloves.

Stevie G says he’s a better LB than Ashley Cole.

Rafa suddenly leaves Liverpool for another club, and Alan Hansen takes the club for the rest of the year while still doing Match of the Day.

Liverpool signs some 16 year old from Brazil who Manchester United was looking at.

Of course I’m being sarcastic, but I want the club to be talked about more than any other club. Maybe I’m looking at that with red-colored glasses. The other clubs don’t matter to me, they’re just clubs for us to get three points off of. And they could liquidate Bolton and Pompey, and I’d have no issues with that.