Leaked: Letter from Pepe to Kenny

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We’ve got our hand on a letter written by Pepe to Kenny. Here is a reproduction of the text.


Date: May 11, 2011


Mr. Kenneth Dalglish,

Manager – Liverpool Football Club,

Anfield Road, Liverpool, L4 0TH

Sub: Transfer Request

Dear Sir:

Hope this letter finds you in the best of health. I apologize for not turning up for training today since I was suffering from a really bad mood as I mentioned in the text message I sent you.

I would like to bring your attention to a more pressing issue at hand, or at least my hands it seems. The issue about my involvement in what you call the first team of the Liverpool Football Club.

Sir, every since you and Mr. Steve Clark have come on board, I have had a terrible run on the field. When I was young, I was given to understand that football is a game played by a team of 11 versus another similar set. I’m surprised to see that although you’re worshipped by all the supporters, stakeholders, players etc of the club, I do not form a part of the 11. May be you have not noticed, but I really do not get to play football! In the past four months or so, the ball hardly comes to me. Ever since you joined, the total goals scored have only been 14 (as against 27 before you did). This statistic would mean that the defense and the goalkeeper have been stronger but my worry is that most of the work is done by the defenders that you pick and have trained.

During the last regime, every midfielder and defender was looking to pass the ball to me. Then I was supposed to hoof the ball at the striker. These days, even the defenders don’t pass the ball to me. The young guys have so much confidence that they tackle and dribble and pass the ball away to the midfield, or worse, they themselves make a run in to the opposing half. Even in other teams, there is so much focus on goalkeepers, like Tottenham and Arsenal.

Apart from the obvious desire of touching and kicking the football at football stadiums, there are other personal issues as well. My wife called me up in the half time of the Fulham game and was wondering what I was doing in London as if she was suspecting that I had lied that I would be playing with your team in the game. I understand her worries since the ball hardly came to me and my TV appearance was blink-and-you-miss. She promises that she didn’t blink too many times that evening. Even my agent and sponsors are getting worried. They say that I’m not getting too much TV time and it’s hurting my recognition among the fans and thus reducing the brand value. The momentum that you have cultivated in the team is so high that even after the first goal, the action shifted so quickly that I was hardly on TV. So much so, that I had to kick the ball away and make the referee give me a yellow card just to be on camera for a few seconds. It was helpful in preserving my vanity for the night.

Sir, such has been the performances of the rest of the blokes that even young kids like Flano and Robbo get so much TV time. With all due respect to Maxi, he was hardly on the substitutes bench earlier but now he is always on TV and newspapers. His wife made some really wonderful tacos the other day for him while I had to order pizza. He was taking a dig at me on phone. I was so jealous.

I should thank you for atleast mentioning me the other day about the balls I played that created a goal against Birmingham.

There were times when I was called into great saves. The defenders were lacking confidence, the strikers were nearer my post. I had so much company. There were so many attempts on my goal that I had so much TV time. My wife never doubted me. These days I only get to chat with Carra near the post. As scouse as I am now, there is still time before I start understanding what he says. The other day he said something but I could only understand he said ‘chair’ somewhere in between. I think he was suggesting that I should bring a chair along with me.

Given the above circumstances, I would like to submit a formal transfer request. I would now like to play more part in the outfield. You’ve made Dirk and Maxi into such prolific scorers. Jay and Lucas are never shy of taking a attempt. Raul had a super run under you. For God’s sake, even Joe Cole has scored! Please transfer me to the midfield so that I too can play football and can get rid of the above mentioned issues.


Jose Manuel Pepe Reina


Hope that the readers find it quite revealing. Thanks! ;-)

YNWA, Kaushal


  1. You really had me there Mr Goyal.. I think my heart stopped for a while.. Phew.. Nevertheless it’s a good piece :)

    1. pepe has played in midfield for up before in a friendly a few seasons back. Did ok as far as I can remember.

      1. I’m pretty sure Pepe would be better on the ball than a lot of other premiership midfielders.

      2. i remembered that one! yes, he was playing in midfield but it looked as if he was in a pinball table! barging into anyone with the ball, with a brilliant smile. hahaha…

  2. its fooking hilarious mate!!!!! The best part was “FOR GODS SAKE, EVEN JOE COLE HAS SCORED” haha,,lmao!!! ynwa mate!!!

  3. lol the same thing crossed my mind. Pepe has seen so little of the ball under Kenny as compared to Roy.

  4. If Pepe gets his wish we could put Poulsen in goal – at least he won’t have to touch the ball much.

  5. A perfect piece of writing. You really got me in the beginning. I could not believe my eyes what I was reading.
    The chair thing made me laugh as much that my ribs were shaking.
    You are absolutely right. Just imagine where would we be this season if Pepe weren’t in goal, especially during Roy’s time.

  6. Is this some kind of a bad joke? Or did i miss something. Well whatever, i still think it’s a fake.

  7. Manager’s Reply.

    Request denied.
    Talk to Clemence. He had sod all to do for years and he’s a legend.

    Stay where you are and try not to get the shirt sweaty.

    The King.

  8. I nearly died when i read the first few lines…..phew! ;-)
    Good though.
    Loving `Ken Beastons` reply….

  9. This was th most pointless thing I have started to read, yes thats right started I didn’t finish. god it’s poor!

  10. Sorry, mate – I was skeptical that anyone would have such a “leaked letter”.

    Glad you caught out a few and that they in turn enjoyed it ;)

  11. really put a smile on my face, love it much.

    we love you Pepe, thanks for giving us a chance even it’s as short as one-year period.

    most of all, thanks to our King who brings back sunshine to our beloved club.


  12. Moral of the story is… Liverpool defence is so solid that pepe got nothing to do at the post, no action, no shot to save that means no tv appearance!

  13. Bkoody hell .

    If we were on Appril 1 id say god and fair, on reading the words Treansfer Request, my heart fell through my arse. Good one empire great read YNWA !!

  14. jesus lads did some of you really think that was for real ? I love that one eejit that wrote, “i’m not buying it” lol Good write KG YNWA

  15. hahaha awesome!!!..i love that part”Even in other teams, there is so much focus on goalkeepers, like Tottenham and Arsenal.” lol it so trueeee

  16. Pepe would make a great midfielder or striker even. His touches on the ball are really amazing. Some of his footwork would make Babel and Cole look tame.
    Maybe KK should play him in one of our friendlies.
    Great article. Imraan (Liverpool Fan in South Africa – AYOBA)

  17. thank God! i thought he’d left already. haven’t heard his name being mentioned for several months now & didn’t see much of him in the last few matches. i was really convinced he’d joined another club. but if he plays in midfield, does that mean gerrard will be between the posts nxt season?

  18. Have to love that, the comment on Jamie and the chair is so funny not to mention the one on Joe. Feel sorry for the morons which read the entire letter without understanding it was a joke, crickey how could you not see it?!?

    1. Thanks William.. Sometimes when people don’t understand the joke leaves me to question myself! Though here, I don’t think what’s there to not understand!

  19. Hahaha thats brilliant. As I got to “the really bad mood” I was almost gutted to the core.

    The King is back! Long live the king!!

  20. Good humor – like it

    And a nice contrast to what would have been written i december – How good is it to be positive again ??

  21. hahahaha great one kaushal!! nice display of awesome sense of humour we indians have!! lol. YNWA

  22. hope pepe reads this, and btw i think he can make a good outfield player. esp. Midfield..:D

    who thinks same as me..:D

    1. yeah mann.. pepe is ryt :p
      he shud b shifted to midfield.. he dribbles better dan torres now.. :D

  23. funny /
    in the first second i as worry but ?
    it’s very funny dud/
    keep sending stuff like that/

  24. HA..HA..HA
    This hilarious. I especially love “For God’s sake, even Joe Cole has scored! ” Way to go Kaushal!!!!!

  25. I really ‘feel’ for Pepe. His plight has to be heard. From some of his crosses, maybe King Kenny shud try Pepe out in the left flank and make Paulsen our new keeper!

    an excellent and well worded joke. hats off to the author!

  26. This is totally hilarious. Could not stop laughing. just love what the king has done for our beloved team. The killer part was asking to be transferred to midfield. :)

  27. i almost died when i saw the TRANSFER REQUEST subject! super stuff! loved it! :-P

  28. thanks for the laugh…..only way this could be better would be if this was a video of Pepe saying it to Kenny :D

  29. The most happiest transfer request ever. So good that ppl have taken such valuable time to write such nice good feeling and humourous letter. The effect of KK has gone to everyone connected to LFC. YNWA

  30. Hahahahahahahahahahahahaha ….. hang on… damn my stomach hurts from the laughing…ok ok… hahahahahahaha.. PHEW!!! Nice one, after all the moan and groan during the dark days of Hicks and Gillett, this is nice for a change.

  31. Hahah….
    Great stuff – really!
    And Sir Kenny really loves Livpool to attack with more players – that is the difference now!!!
    I think Pepe already knows what a big mistake he would had done if going to the Scums or any other team…
    for example see – M. Owen, F. Torres
    We are the greatest club – don’t forget it boys!
    We are sacred club and you have to be crazy wanting out for a few pounds more!
    If you not believe me – better ask Owen and Torres…
    And I really, really hope the next year to be our year – what better than EPL trophy for the 120th years anniversary of the club!!!

  32. I don’t know what Pepe is complaining about…..he is getting more of the ball than Torres has done since he moved to Chelski !
    Even Bin Laden managed to catch a shot with his head.

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