Can I Get My Money Back?

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Dear Andy,

In this age of internet and information thru twitter, I’m sure you’d understand that I take most of my advice from people who are active on twitter and not the people who are qualified to provide that opinion.

It’s been more than 8 months since we hired your services Andy. You cost us £35 million upfront for your services for a period of 5½ years and around £60,000 per week in wages excluding bonuses and add-ons.

We’ve in effect, amortized more than £4 million of your fee already and paid almost £2 million in wages. For the £6 million we paid, what have we got in return – 3 league goals and 1 league cup goal in all competitions?

In the light of above information and my highly twitter influenced opinion about you, can I please get my money back!

Oh wait… I didn’t pay for you from my account!!!

And…. you weren’t fit enough for most of that period! Oh yeah, the summer occupied a good part of three months out of those eight mentioned above and obviously you couldn’t play competitive fixtures because there weren’t any!

In the remainder of the time, are your performances good enough to warrant the upfront outflow? Once again my esteemed twitter comrades have given their verdict against you. So we’d like you to pay back the portion of the fee which makes you the most expensive British footballer ever (I title most liberally used by respected newspapers like Daily Mail).

The only problem is that you didn’t ask for that money, nor did you pocket any part of it!! Some have been preposterous to suggest that it was a demand-supply thing.

The respectable twitter community also suggested that you don’t have the talent to merit such a price tag and that your agility and other footballing attributes have left a lot to be desired. So what if Kenny Dalglish, Damien Comolli, Steve Clarke and other so-called ‘better’ judges of talent think otherwise. If the twitter community doesn’t like the price, who is John Henry to take out his checkbook and write that obscene check to Mike Ashley?!

I have some doubts about the current situation though Andy:

1. If you were neither the buying or the selling party in your transfer and you don’t get any part of the transfer fee, why is it that you’re always judged by it. Wasn’t it just something that NUFC desired and LFC were comfortable in paying?

2. If Kenny and Damien and the team think you’re talented enough, why is that some of these respectable twitter experts form their opinions based on single games? How come you ‘weren’t good enough’ before the Everton game and ‘getting back to full fitness’ after it?

3. Why is that the fans who sing ‘You’ll Never Walk Alone’ so proudly so frequently, are so tempted to ostracize a player who sports the #9 shirt for the club given to him by the club’s greatest legend?

Well, I’m sure you’re not intelligent enough to have answers to those questions. Nor am I. May be I’ll go back to these experts and ask them. If you’d like to have a feedback, you too can follow me on twitter – @kaushal__

YNWA till then!

PS – In the meantime, I’d go buy some official merchandize and be proud that I paid for a part of your association with this club.

83 Comments

    1. Didn’t you understand the Tongue in cheek or was it too subtle for you. Well put and funny he will flourish

    2. In a long winded way, he his supporting Carroll and he will be successful and it’s not his fault the club spent big money and big wages on him at a young age and he will get over his injury problems.
      Just an other negative headline to get our attention!

        2. irony & sarcasm punctuation ( ⸮ ) or (!)
          A ! mark does not stand for wit or sarcasm but that you are SHOUTING,WARNING or STRONG FEELINGS(!)
          Could be why your blogs cause so much confusion amongest fans that read your blogs(!)

          1. may be.. but then it’s not a book. some of the exclamation marks were used for that – exclaiming. however, i’d be slightly more miserly with them in future.

  7. I disagree Kaushal, I have said it a million times Andy cost us
    -15 million + all the wages we have saved from Torres.

    He is only 21.

    However you are being sarcastic :-)

  10. Am sorry mate as one EOTK writer to another you are talking utter shite, am sorry to say that but you are, please keep playing FIFA 2012 and whatever else you get your sats or opinions from but I would trust people in football more than your opinion any day.

    Sorry to say that mate but please pop down to Anfield one day and see real football being played and experience the Kop first hand then come back and talk to all of us.

    1. I’m sorry you had such a terrible experience Brian. I play FIFA12 but even after spending a fortune on it, it doesn’t give me the opinion and since I play it at an ‘amateur’ difficulty level, the number of goals scored stat would be highly inflated. As much as I’d love to come to Anfield, I can’t afford it as yet.
      PS – I realize the tongue in cheek was slightly difficult to understand

      1. Not really if everyone has read your post on a regular you are a defo borderline fan, one of those who like it when its going well but turn on us when we have a problem

        1. Very harsh Brian, very harsh. Usually I’d let your opinion matter. But if I’m not a part of that ‘us‘, I’d rather not. You hardly know me to have an opinion about me as a fan.

          1. If you want to try and be funny you need to understand what’s funny, if your not sure write it in your notebook and keep it there

          2. I’m not sure what you’re trying to do, insult me as a fan or a blogger or both. May be both. Nonetheless, it’s just a blog and writing in notebooks is pretty cumbersome.

          3. Look if you were trying to be funny then leave it at that, no I wasn’t insulting you at all

          4. You called me a good-for-notebook writer and a borderline fan. I’d like to know how that’s not insulting. On second thoughts, leave it. I respect you enough to not turn this into a spat.

          2. Oh yes you did. I always held you in higher regard to not be perturbed about what you were saying. The thing about ‘not being at Anfield’ is a bit of a raw nerve for us ‘wools’

          3. You really need to understand our sense of humour, must invite you to Anfield so you can understand real sarcasm

          4. Trouble is that even if do understand the sarcasm, I won’t be able to understand the accent ;-)

        2. As any Liverpool fan will tell you “it matters not where you are from you are all family”

          1. Just read your twitter conversation, shouldn’t have. Anyway, I’ll take it on the face value. Cheers.

        5. You are a confused soul. Anyone can smell the arrogance in your statement at first and then second was a cover up. Grow up! xD

    2. 1. (I AM SORRY MATE) If you are that apologetic, you shouldn’t have written it on the first place.
      2. (I AM SORRY MATE)You are jealous of the old man, coz you ain’t got the sense of sarcasm.
      3. (I AM SORRY MATE)Pity you can’t buy FIFA 2012.
      4. (I AM SORRY MATE)I believe you have never touched the ball.
      5. Finally, (I AM SORRY MATE) You haven’t read the last line of the article.

      Enuf Mate.
      Cheers!

        1. One who didn’t like your reply. Very Immature of someone who prides on being a good blogger. Speaks volumes mate..

          Cheers again!

  11. What a plastic fan. Take a raincheck, forget about “your money” and do everyone a favour and go support another club.

      1. Fair enough. And apologies for jumping the gun. But we don’t know the fellow author personally to know his intentions. Besides, the point of sarcasm is based on the phonology of words. Sarcasm is a tone, we could read everything to be sarcastic if we wanted to.

        By just reading the article like it is, there’s no blame people, and myself, is having a stab at the author. I guess any judgement of Andy wouldn’t be taken.

        Maybe less tongue and cheek? I’ve always rated Empire Of The Kop.

  12. Kaushal refrain from writing such crap in the future, actually il just avoid your posts. I bet you havn’t even been to a game you dnt have the right to demand any money back. I couldn’t give a crap if this was toungue n cheek, players like Carroll need our support, if you’ve got a problem with his valuation talk to Kenny n the owners it wasn’t Andy that set himself that valuation nor did he pay it the club did. Go support Man Shitty or fucking CHavski they’ll suit you to a t twat!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    1. Unfortunately for both you and me, you haven’t avoided me enough. But, isn’t it exactly what I said in my post about the valuation what is it that you’re saying in your comment?

    2. 1. Not having been to a game doesn’t exclude him from his right to have an opinion and it doesn’t make him any less of a fan.

      2. You’re aware that the article is tongue-in-cheek yet you failed to see what the tongue-in-cheek part of it was…and that was making fun of the people you’re associating the author with.

      I’m going to assume you’re also being sarcastic. :)

    3. WOW!!!!! I am truly stunned that the point of the article was lost on some of these fans. The kind of things I hear being said about scousers is out of order. I prove em wrong, but right is what you are proving em!

  14. It’s a little embarrassing that so many people haven’t understood the sarcasm in this artilce but also pleasing that everyone seems to be jumping in to defend Carroll. Liverpool fans have always prided themselves on giving players and managers time and support when other teams fans would boo the team off lets keep it that way.

    2. It is even more embarassing for those who misunderstood his post and actually agreed with it. And then later realise they were walking alone all the while..

      1. They don’t read all of the blog and then they don’t even read the messages and replies that are left trying to get his thoughts across!

  15. *sigh*
    i hope no other clubs’ fans read the comment section. We scousers are supposed to be smart and intelligent football fans. Sadly, neither quality comes to the fore on reading the comments. People say we are a disgrace to the club by calling ourselves fans even though we live in India. I would instead say that any1 stupid enough not to understand this article is a bigger embarrassment.

    And just so you all know, for you going to Anfield every weekend might be easy, staying in the city and supporting the club may not be that difficult. However, we stay up all night waiting for those 2 hours that brings us closer to Anfield. For us, a trip to Anfield is the biggest dream of our lives. and we cherish it just as much, if not more, as you do.

    YNWA.

    Well written, Kaushal.

  16. Its not about valuation its about result ability to be lfc quality.

    The lad is wasteful maybe its me and every lfc supporter i talk to.

  17. Nicely written article Kaushal. Antoine I’d like a quick breakdown of how much carroll cost. Are u saying we’re pretty much paying his wages due to the money from the torres sale?

  18. In my eyes he paid back the 35 mil by scoring against the blue shite. He’ll only get better it’s probably hard for him with Suarez being so amazing. Who cares who scores as long as we win games ynwa

  19. Funny article pity people didnt read it to the end before hurling abuse, intelligent football fans my arse!

  20. Some people are stupid, how can you NOT see this is sarcasm, it’s so glaringly obvious he is taking the micky out of so called experts, it’s actually painful to read some of the comments, nice article dude, he will come good.

  21. I know what I think. The lad looked great at nufc and most scousers would have jumped hoops to get him. it took crouchie ages to get going and he turned out a goodun. What AC needs is support and more importantly, not to be the continued centre of attention. That goal will help him, our un
    questioning support would too, well for a bit longer at least.

  22. Listen friends, this is slightly off-topic but I want to put it out there just to see what you guys think. You (Dhaval & Kaushal) know and I know that we guys are Indian supporters of this fantastic football club. The troubles that we go through to support this team are not understood by some of the local people of Liverpool and there are many that seem to lash out at us for it. The very fact that we can happily pick the winning team whenever we feel like simply because we don’t have to defend our local pride should be reason enough for every local Liverpool fan to understand how much we care about this football club.

    It is still important to note that we are not and will never be the same as Liverpudlians. So Dhaval I would really recommend you stop referring to “us” as Scousers because we are not. This is simply because we are not from Liverpool. I’m from Mumbai and I would get pretty annoyed if somebody from Liverpool called themselves a Mumbaikar because its my identity. I really think we should let the Liverpudlians keep their Scouse pride close to their hearts and simply refer to ourselves as Liverpool FC fans. No one can take that away from us.

    As for the article, Kaushal, I got your point but lets just say it is harder to understand than you think. Still the other folks commenting ought to really read things better!

  23. I’m well aware of how it has been written. My comments are aimed at other sets of fans that are quick to write him off. Of course it’d erudite text. It’s to give the mancs and efc
    a better comprehension of it.

  24. Nice tongue-in-cheek article. I sometimes wonder if Andy would be getting the shtick he does if he had been half the price. Too many fans out there act like that 35mil came right out of their pocket and went into his.

    And it’s a shame that so many readers do not actually read. I suppose it is difficult to see the article with their heads up their asses.

  26. Wow the misunderstanding of sarcasm in the comments is painful. Maybe next time you should start an article like this with a *sarcasm alert*…..gah!

  27. From the comments here alone we can know who are the twitter experts eh… Good article Kaushal… In the age of internet, everyone want their two cents be heard… Word of the day… Sarcasm… And yes i do believe Carroll will turn good… it’s Kenny Dalglish who bought him… or people have forgotten who he is…

  28. I really think we should all start supporting andy instead of judging him on the price tag from what i have seen the signs have been good from him and all due respect if kk thinks he has somthing good to bring to the club then i believe him

    1. Maybe people do understand it was sarcasm but what’s the point of it he could of just written what he felt. Who gives a fuck what other people write or think about Carroll as long as he has the support of lfc fans

  30. Uh, what is this article about?

    Is the club offering refunds?

    Is it limited to games that Andy played in?

    I didn’t read the article … but I will comment anyways.

  31. Still don’t get the article. i’ve read and re-read it. are you for Andy or against Andy?
    what happened to the good old days when writing was clear:
    im for something and here are my reasons…
    im against something and here my reasons….

    im so confused, i don’t know what is going on these days.
    the trials and tribulations of being Liverpool support!
    but i luv it….

    1. He’s for Andy. The article’s being sarcastic and having a laugh at the people who dislike Andy Carroll due to the price Kenny paid for him.

      The point of the article is that Carroll didn’t ask for the price tag and he didn’t pocket any of the £35m and us fans didn’t pay the £35m (even though some of the funding may have been through fans buying merchandise and tickets and stuff) yet some fans are acting as though the £35m came from their pockets and went straight into Andy Carroll’s bank.

      1. Wow… even I couldn’t be clearer than this in my thoughts Stevie. Thanks for your support here mate.

  33. At first, i thought this was another one of those Carroll sucks rants. But as i read on, with the hint of sarcasm getting stronger and the ever idolisation of twitter experts, it was funny. True. Actually it was funny because it is true.

    It is okay to criticise his effort on the pitch, but to be biased due to his transfer fee is preposterous.

    People must understand that Liverpool is not a business club. at least is shouldn’t be. It is okay is we won’t be able to sell Carroll at a higher fee in the future, it is okay if no other team ever values him for that price tag. the important thing is, Kenny wants him in the team. Heck, it is better if we never see that 35million back where Carroll will turn into a true blue(or Red) Liverpool supporter and stay with us till the end. That is what Liverpool players are about.

  34. The answers to your sarcastically written questions will be answered soon enough once he bags in the goals.which im sure many of us believe will happen.its just a matter of time.

  35. hahahahah wowzers chill guys he is only being sarcastic!!! I for one love this article it had my friends and I in stitches… #teamandycarrol keep it up mate… following you right now on twitter

  37. Very good article. Got my blood boiling until I got half way through. Can’t understand why fans are Carroll bashing as the fee has nothing to do with him. We paid a lot for a a young, very talented player who WILL get better. He is only now getting consistent football with a lot of new players. Give him time to bed in and he will do the number 9 shirt proud and ram the criticism back dow the doubters throats. IN KING KENNY WE TRUST. YNWA.

  38. Watch De Gea flapping if Carroll goes near him, Liverpool will destroy that manc defence next week. Look at the quality we have attcking wise, Lpool 4- mancs 1……….3 easy pts!!!!

  39. Fantastic bit of writing,highly enjoyable and spot on characterization of so many so called Liverpool fans . A lot of them would not recognise sarcasm if if it smacked them in the face with a wet haddock.
    Brilliant keep it up

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