Please find enclosed your ticket for Anfield on 15 October. Unfortunately, Liverpool is the latest in a long line of clubs that have been forced to reduce our allocation of tickets by their local safety advisory group – an independent body made up of the local council, Howard Webb, the police and other interested groups.
They have reduced our allocation because you idiots keep blocking the ailes and gangways and don’t listen to the stewards. How bunch of fu*king idiots, you need to learn some class and behaviour. Even Gary Neville behaves better than you lot. You don’t even f*cking sing out loud like the Kopities do, what now!!! do I have to pay for some singing lessons? Also if you want to take a sh*t please go to the toilet, your fellow fans from Row 1 don’t appreciate it when someone sitting in a higher row takes a dump right on top of them. Hopefully this letter will teach you a little bit of culture and class, that is if you can read.
While in Liverpool make sure you visit the Liverpool F.C. museum where you can see a real Champions League Cup (something that no other club can’t have). Liverpool FC won it 5 times so they have 5 of them, for those of you who don’t know math 5 is a bigger number than 3. Go down to Albert Dock and see the Beatles museum, I used to have the same hairdo when I was a wee lad. Take a ride on the Liverpool eye, on a clear day you can see Croxteth the birthplace of Wayne Rooney. Speaking of Wayne Rooney did you know that he is a Scouser so singing Scouse Bastards it is an insult to our Wazza.
Take a trip up to Kirkby to visit the L.F.C. Academy, did you know that Michael Owen came up through this academy. Don’t know who Michael Owen is? Well he is the short baby face one who I sometimes allow to sit on the bench.
When you visit Anfield make sure you see the Shankly gates, Bill Shankly was Scottish like me. Did you know that Liverpool’s first ever team was made up mostly of Scottish player so please don’t insult Liverpool F.C. or I will get offended.
On closing I wanted to tell you, despite what happens.
You still are all Sh*te.
Sir Alex Ferguson